wild for to hold

Currently my roommate and I are using our weekends to build the kitchen and start packing up the apartment. I've already decluttered my things, but I still have so much stuff. How is it possible to have so much stuff. I'm 4 boxes in and not even done with my books!

Summer is here! I am determined to make it to a public pool at least once or twice in the coming weeks. It's been many years since the last time, which is a travesty because I actually really enjoy swimming. I want to spread my picnic blanket under a tree, get overprized fries with ketchup and mayonnaise, and slather on sunscreen every hour. I love the atmosphere of public pools. There's something so chill and joyful about listening to young kids shriek and laugh as they play in the water.

Running-wise, I haven't been doing much, unfortunately. It gets quite hot as early as 10am, so if I do want to squeeze in a run, I have to be super early about it. Since I've also been struggling a bit with getting out of bed, running just has not been happening for a while. I'm a bit annoyed by this, because I had in fact made really good progress. In late May, I was able to run (slowly) for 25 minutes without stopping! iirc it was Week 7 (of 9) of the Couch to 5K program. Sigh. I hope I'll be able to get back to it soon.

It's just a time where there's A Lot on my plate overall! The move, and my plans for the future, and my quest to lose weight/improve fitness/learn how to cook, and of course, finding time for my hobbies and social circle. How do proper adults do this?! I know, I know--the secret is that we are all just winging it.

The other night I dreamed of Number Five from The Umbrella Academy, and now I want to rewatch S1+2 (and ideally, finally watch S3). I love that character so much. Another grown-ass man stuck in a body too young for him, like Miquella! I was so excited when I made that connection lol, I guess I am just really fond of characters whose insides don't match their outsides because of reasons. I'm also still subscribed to the "Five Needs A Hug" tag on AO3, although I haven't found any post-S2 fic yet that's truly in-character. (That's the beauty of that tag--it'd be so difficult to get Five a hug! That's what's so intriguing about it!)

Happy Pride Month btw! It's almost over, oops. I'm hoping to attend Cologne's CSD parade this year. I've always really wanted to see it, and especially now, with queer rights under attack in my country and many others, I want to show up for my community.

Guys. GUYS. I did it!!!

Some of y'all might be aware that I've started running(TM) with the help of Couch to 5K. I started way back in April & it's been going well enough--I'm doing the no-pressure version where I don't actually care if I manage to run 5k within 9 weeks, pretty sure that ship has sailed anyway, and for a while I have been repeating the Week 3 program. The first 3 times I did it, I was baaarely able to scrape by, so I thought, hey, why the fuck would I move on to Week 4 if I can't yet do Week 3? That's just setting myself up for failure. My mental health is precarious enough as it is, I do not need another thing to feel like shit about.

So I did Week 3 for like a month, interrupted by my period where I spent a full week not doing anything, and then today I tried the Week 4 workout for the first time, which is:

• Brisk 5-minute warm-up walk; run for 3 minutes, walk 90 seconds, run for 5 minutes (!!), walk 2.5 minutes, run 3 minutes, walk 90 seconds, then run for 5 minutes again.

And like?? I did it??? I managed to run both full 5-minute intervals! \o/ \o/ I felt pretty exhausted during the last 3-minute run & had to walk for a couple of seconds in between, but a) that's FINE & b) I found the 5-minute runs most daunting, so I am extra super duper proud that I managed both of those. (It also confirms a pattern I've noticed: I flag a bit during the second half of my workout, then catch my second wind towards the end. It's pretty neat to notice this stuff. I've never exercised consistently before during my adult life, so I feel a bit like a benevolent scientist watching a brave lil lab rat.)

I was sweating a lot, and it was hard, but I didn't hyperventilate once! No cramping or stitches in my side either. (I haven't gotten the stitch since literally Week 1, which I think means I'm great at regulating my breathing/not pushing myself too hard!)

I also think my brain is possibly getting on board with the whole thing? I usually avoid exercise because it makes me feel like shit mentally--I think when my heart rate goes up, my hindbrain is like 'time for a near-panic attack!'--but, while I do still feel flashes of anxiety when I run, the intensity is WAY down from what it used to be.

This is exciting as fuck tbh. I'm not sure how much more running I'll get done this week because we're expecting this summer's first big heat wave! But I'm looking forward to whenever my next run will be.