wild for to hold

I've got a ticket to see In Extremo, yet another German folk rock band, on June 15! I have been listening to Erdbeermund (Strawberry Mouth) to prepare, haha. Something about the lyrics tells me they're not talking about the opening in someone's face, you know. I hope they play it, it's easily one of my favorite InEx songs. Fun fact: There is apparently beef about this in The Scene(TM)! The song is based on a poem from the 1930s in which some dude was thirsty, and Subway to Sally, another German folk rock band, were the first to create a musical version of it in the 90s. InEx's version is from 2007. The vibes are so different though that I wouldn't call it a rip-off. StS's version is much more romantic and less horny.

The only personal beef I have with InEx is that they once did a cover of Vänner och fränder (Friends and relatives), a Swedish folk song about a woman who does not want to marry her fiancé and instead runs off with another man. And you guys, their imitation of Swedish is so abysmal. It's not just their pronunciation, which is admittedly bad, but they straight up leave words out of the lyrics that change the meaning of the song. Smh. I doubt that was intentional. They probably just didn't bother hiring an actual Swedish speaker to help them out. >_>

Anyway, my reaction to finally seeing this band live, after 20+ years of enjoying their music, will probably be, "Omg they are so old." They've been at it since the 90s. Also, this will be my third (!) concert this year!

This week has been kind of stressful! I had to prepare around 80% of my Swedish presentation, as well as a long homework assignment I'd forgotten about, and the combination of those things kind of wiped me out. Yesterday I went to the city with my roommate & we went shopping for a notebook and a pen for me, since I want to keep a journal at the outpatient program that's specifically for that, and not a mix of other journaling stuff thrown in. Today I woke up with a headache that can't decide if it wants to be a migraine. I really need to take it easier.

I have been obsessively reading Steve/Tony comicverse fic. Still making my way through old favorites and discovering new fic by favorite authors that I haven't read yet. I'm having a lot of fun. :D

I am trying to make friends on Tumblr! I've followed two other Steve/Bucky shippers who are currently in CATWS-related hell like me & they both seem very nice.

Other than that, I'm attempting to prepare my part of a presentation for my Swedish class and the novella we're analyzing, Ur funktion (Out of Order) by Karin Boye, is so hard to understand omfg. I had to look up every second or third word on some pages, I swear. Talk about getting thrown in at the deep end. But it's fun!

Today I've gotten a lot of things done thanks to caffeine. I went out for groceries, did a load of laundry, and spent like 3 hours in the Steve/Bucky tag curating my queue. Time well-spent, I say.

I have been up to several things! One is that I went to a Versengold concert last Friday, and it was amazing. Versengold (literally "verse's gold") is a northern German folk rock band that's been around for over 20 years, whom I discovered in ~2018 or so, and whom I've loved ever since. They are so cool, you guys. They are also all huge dorks. Their name is a pun--the German idiom "Fersengold geben," literally "giving heel's gold," means to run very fast, but they changed exchanged the F for a V to keep with their theme of writing songs. I find this very clever and it makes me really happy.

Anyway, they came to Cologne (Köln) and I was there with bells on. With about 3k people in attendance, it might have been the biggest concert I've ever been to! MCR in 2022 might have been bigger, I'm honestly not sure since that was open-air and this one wasn't, so it was easier this time to get a feel of how big the crowd was than at the MCR concert. Anyway, it was awesome. I stood close-ish to the front and had a blast. They played so many of my favorite songs, and a few songs I wasn't that familiar with yet, and the audience was wonderful. We cheered and clapped and sang our hearts out. Such a wonderful experience!

The real MVPs were my concert earplugs, a special set of earplugs I purchased way back in 2019 to help me attend rock concerts despite my very sensitive ears. They filter out all harmful frequencies from what you're hearing, but still let you listen to the music. I have no idea what sorcery they've been infused with, but they work. I can still hear people talking to me when I wear them, and the music sounds fine, if perhaps a tiny bit muffled. I love these things so much and there is no way I would have survived this concert--or the MCR concert!--without them, haha. I pulled one earplug out of my ear a little, once, to check how loud the volume really was, and yep I shoved it right back in. :D

The other thing that's been going on is that I am deep within my MCU feels again. Which mostly means Winter Soldier feels. And Steve/Bucky feels. Yes. I rewatched Captain America: The Winter Soldier last week for its 10-year anniversary, and it is still so freaking good, ahhh. I love it to bits. I cannot believe that the Russos made TWS and then went on to fuck things up so thoroughly (imo) with all the other things they did. Just. How. Anyway--I have been picking at my old fic ideas again, and reading tons of older fic on AO3, and generally having a blast with this ship and the feels.

I have discovered that I have a mighty need for more Winter Soldier fic--not necessarily Bucky Barnes fic. I am craving post-movie fic where the Winter Soldier does not remember his past, but still aims to take down Hydra and--perhaps reluctantly, at first, since he doesn't remember his past life--reconnects with Steve. It's all Sebastian Stan's acting; I am so fascinated with the obvious, glaring differences between Bucky and the Winter Soldier persona that's been forced on him. The potential identity compartmentalization of their combined existence is *chef's kiss* to me. And I want the Winter Soldier part to get more attention and love, damn it. He's been through so much, he deserves love and comfort even if he doesn't remember. Fight me. (No, don't, I'm weak AF because I haven't kept up with my running schedule.)

I also have a big soft spot for Shrinkyclinks (non-serum Steve/Winter Soldier Bucky). Adkjshkdf. The utter dichotomy between their characters makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up. I've read several "the Winter Soldier is on a mission, Steve stumbles across him & for some reason does not die horribly, so Hydra kidnaps Steve for shits and giggles and he and the Soldier form a connection" fics and low-key want to write my own. The aaaangst!!!

I am normal about this ship.

I am ridiculously excited about the Shadow of the Erdtree trailer that came out this past Wednesday. I've been watching it over and over again & trying to come up with theories as to what it all means. Of course, in true FromSoft fashion, it's cryptic and filled with horrors. I love it.

Some speculation

Messmer and his whole deal are intriguing. I wonder if he is perhaps some version of Melina, since they share the Weird Eye Thing and also the fire motif. He's got to be a sibling at least, with the M name and the hair. Maybe he's the one who's been connected to the Smoldering Butterfly all along, not Melina as we all thought. I wonder who he's talking about when he mentions "one so bereft of light." Is it the Tarnished (i.e. the player)? Who knows? Fascinating stuff.

I love the concept of an entire shadow realm behind 'hidden' in the Lands Between, containing a whole world of its own where apparently the Erdtree is fucked up. Very nice.

Of course the most riveting part of the whole trailer is Miquella. Omg. We are going to see more of him! I am 99.99% sure that IS him at the very end there, and the Haligtree! The summary said something about him abandoning his body and his powers to live in this shadow realm-thing! I really wonder what's up with that.

What I love most is the implication that perhaps Miquella is... not as lovely and pure as he's been made out to be so far. I've said for weeks that his powers of "compelling affection" in others sound scary AF, and if he were so inclined he could probably use them to wreak great havoc.

My roommate and I's headcanon seems almost plausible all of a sudden: What if Miquella has been pulling the strings behind the scenes all alon? What if he engineered his own kidnapping? What if he somehow compelled Mohg to do the deed, or struck a deal with him, or something like that? I think we can take it as a fact that whatever Mohg tried to break Miquella's curse of eternal childhood, it worked (to some extent), since the "withered arm" we see in Mohgwyn Palace is most definitely in the shape of an adult. Maybe that was Miquella's plan all along.

Like. Yes. Give me a Miquella that's radiant and kind, but also terrifying in his power, and in his own way as much of an eldritch horror as the other Empyreans. *chef's kiss*

Also IS THAT A SNIPPET OF MOHG'S THEME right when the Roderika-looking girl casts her (apparent) huge Bewitching Branch-related spell. Omg. I may be imagining that, but ooomg.

Except, I'm pretty sure that in order to play the DLC you'll have to have killed Mohg, since it appears to start at the Palace in his boss arena. :/

It is going to be amazing. I have marked June 21st in my calendar and will camp out on Twitch and watch others play the DLC as soon as it drops. :D

Current MohgMiq WIPs and ideas:

• fIRST KISS FLUFF
• Miquella being protective (I love a trope that turns expectations on their heads)
• old man first-time sex

Watching: various things! Game of Thrones, for one--I started my rewatch with S1 and I'm surprised by how many things I still remember at least vaguely. Also, The Killing, with the roommate. One of the best crime shows I've ever seen, ahhh.

Reading: William Gibson's Count Zero (on Audible).

Listening: Unbelievers by Vampire Weekend

Playing: nothing right now! Smh. I need to buy a controller so I can get started on Lies of P.

Making: way too many knitting WIPs. Off the top of my head, I've got:
* a cowl
* two pairs of socks
* an unidentified number of sweaters (I legit can't remember how many there are--this should worry me more)
* two scarves
Oof. I wish I had several extra sets of hands.

Feeling: VERY RELIEVED. I had a phone call earlier today & a bureaucratic problem I had just vanished into thin air. Well, not quite--I still need to do some paperwork, but the issue is not nearly as life-ruining as I'd thought it would be. So I have just been in a puddle of relief the whole day.

Planning: some general home/life improvement shit. I want to get some higher-end cleaning supplies, for instance, and I'd like to get around to reorganizing our spice cabinet soon. I've also wanted to get into meal planning for ages.

Loving: listening to more music. I've been making an effort to use Spotify more and so far it's working out great.

The anniversary yesterday went much better than expected! I watched a lot of skiing on TV, as planned, and had a lovely talk with my mother over the phone. She had all but forgotten about the anniversary, and for a moment I thought I'd made her sad by mentioning it, but then she laughed and told me that she thinks about my father all the time anyway. It sounded like this thinking was fond remembrance, rather than terrible grief. So that's good!

It's -2 degrees here (28°F) and I took a walk earlier. It was so refreshing! Something about inhaling the cold air makes me feel like... not only do I not have a headache, I have negative amounts of headache. That makes no sense, but that's what it's like.

My knitting is going well! I'm making a pair of wrist warmers out of leftover sock yarn. I forgot how much i like knitting with this weight of yarn. It can get tedious, but mostly I just really love the feel of double-point needles in my hands. Pictures incoming as soon as they're done!

Also, my first fic of 2024 contains incest and technically underage. Smh.

whether graceful or malign | Rated T | Elden Ring | Miquella/Mohg
It began to snow when they were about two miles out from the small, nameless town. It was a thin, cutting sleet that chilled clothes and dampened skin and crept through mittens to nip at the fine bones of Miquella's hands.
--In which an Empyrean and his consort take refuge from the cold.

I already have ideas for more fics, most of them h/c-focused because I am but a simple bitch. I love hurt/comfort a totally normal amount.

I am really tired tonight, but I realized I forgot about WIP Wednesday again so here is the beginning of another Garashir fic. (Also, it's been a while since my last post, and I don't want to drop my newfound blogging habit again!)

And after hitting post I am probably going directly to bed. :P

( 5x16, Garak's POV )

WIP Wednesday (and Sunday Six and the like) has over the years largely passed me by; I've never posted a snippet myself, though I love reading excerpts from others! The reason for that is/was mostly *mumble* anxiety, but fuck that, I deserve nice things.

The following is the beginning of the 2x22 coda I'm working on. (Well... one of them. That episode gave me maximum feels.)

( Garashir, post-2x22 The Wire )

We finished watching The Book of Boba Fett. Such a good show! I didn't enjoy all parts of it as thoroughly as I did The Mandalorian, but that's an incredibly high bar to reach, so I'm altogether not disappointed. I really liked how many familiar characters showed up. I am also deeply in love with Drash and would let her step on me any time.

( Spoilers )

I. We finished watching Deep Space Nine--all 7 seasons! Woop woop! I'm both happy and sad. Somewhat relieved that it's over because especially S6+7 had some persistent bits I didn't like, but also sad because... whatever will we do with our evenings now?! (We still have a very full to watch list. We'll find something.)

II. I bought 2 skeins of Drops Soft Tweed in 'grizzly'. Originally I just wanted to make a cowl, but honestly, I am so deeply in love with the color and the feel that I need to make a sweater out of it. It's somewhat brighter than shown on the website & overall just stunning. I cast on the neck band yesterday (using a cast-on method with scrap yarn I've never used before), and I must have tensed up a lot, because this morning my hands were hurting. :'D So I've been resting them today.

III. Writing-wise, I am working on & dabbling in:
• a mid-episode Garashir thing for Dr. Bashir I Presume (5x16)
• two post-The Wire (2x22) one-shots
• extremely self-indulgent de-aging fic
• something about Garak, Julian, nightmares, and sharing a bed
• a Julian-and-Jadzia one-shot
• Weyoun 6 fic
This is just what happens when I'm enamored with a new fandom! I'm really excited about the first one; I'd say the first draft is about 60% finished. Most of it just exploded out of me over the past 2 weeks. I have now reached the parts that are a bit tougher to write, plus some anxiety is catching up with me & I wonder if I have the skill to create this thing the way I want it to be. I'm going to keep at it and hope for the best.

IV. I bought a book the other day--an actual paperback book: Spares by Michael Marshall Smith. I read it for the first time during middle school and became totally obsessed with the story! I remember the book very fondly, and I'm excited to see what I think of it now, about 15 years later. Back then I was vaguely annoyed with the ending, I think, though I can't recall any details, and I'm excited to see what I'll make of it this time around.

In some ways it feels like reading an entirely new book. I don't remember a whole lot, and I've now bought the English edition, whereas I read a German translation as a teenager.

V. Earlier today I was feeling a little down on myself, and stumbled across a TED talk by cmdr_hadfield: What I Learned From Going Blind In Space. I highly recommend it to absolutely everyone, regardless of whether you find astronauts interesting. There were so many great quotes, but my favorite by far was, 'The danger is entirely different than the fear.' Very applicable to my struggle with OCD. I'm so grateful to have found this quote, and such a calm, uplifting message, somewhere I hadn't thought to look for support. <3