wild for to hold

I am really tired tonight, but I realized I forgot about WIP Wednesday again so here is the beginning of another Garashir fic. (Also, it's been a while since my last post, and I don't want to drop my newfound blogging habit again!)

And after hitting post I am probably going directly to bed. :P

( 5x16, Garak's POV )

I. We finished watching Deep Space Nine--all 7 seasons! Woop woop! I'm both happy and sad. Somewhat relieved that it's over because especially S6+7 had some persistent bits I didn't like, but also sad because... whatever will we do with our evenings now?! (We still have a very full to watch list. We'll find something.)

II. I bought 2 skeins of Drops Soft Tweed in 'grizzly'. Originally I just wanted to make a cowl, but honestly, I am so deeply in love with the color and the feel that I need to make a sweater out of it. It's somewhat brighter than shown on the website & overall just stunning. I cast on the neck band yesterday (using a cast-on method with scrap yarn I've never used before), and I must have tensed up a lot, because this morning my hands were hurting. :'D So I've been resting them today.

III. Writing-wise, I am working on & dabbling in:
• a mid-episode Garashir thing for Dr. Bashir I Presume (5x16)
• two post-The Wire (2x22) one-shots
• extremely self-indulgent de-aging fic
• something about Garak, Julian, nightmares, and sharing a bed
• a Julian-and-Jadzia one-shot
• Weyoun 6 fic
This is just what happens when I'm enamored with a new fandom! I'm really excited about the first one; I'd say the first draft is about 60% finished. Most of it just exploded out of me over the past 2 weeks. I have now reached the parts that are a bit tougher to write, plus some anxiety is catching up with me & I wonder if I have the skill to create this thing the way I want it to be. I'm going to keep at it and hope for the best.

IV. I bought a book the other day--an actual paperback book: Spares by Michael Marshall Smith. I read it for the first time during middle school and became totally obsessed with the story! I remember the book very fondly, and I'm excited to see what I think of it now, about 15 years later. Back then I was vaguely annoyed with the ending, I think, though I can't recall any details, and I'm excited to see what I'll make of it this time around.

In some ways it feels like reading an entirely new book. I don't remember a whole lot, and I've now bought the English edition, whereas I read a German translation as a teenager.

V. Earlier today I was feeling a little down on myself, and stumbled across a TED talk by cmdr_hadfield: What I Learned From Going Blind In Space. I highly recommend it to absolutely everyone, regardless of whether you find astronauts interesting. There were so many great quotes, but my favorite by far was, 'The danger is entirely different than the fear.' Very applicable to my struggle with OCD. I'm so grateful to have found this quote, and such a calm, uplifting message, somewhere I hadn't thought to look for support. <3

New Year's Eve was pretty chill for me. My roommate's friend came over, we watched some TV and I ate my own body weight in chocolate, and went to bed at 12:01am, haha. There were fireworks, which I'm not sure where people got them, since people technically weren't supposed to set off any this year.

My New Year's resolutions are mostly fitness-based this year. I want to try to do more yoga, plus my lovely friend emi_lala proposed a '500 Miles Challenge' based on the song by The Proclaimers, where we try to walk/run/crawl for a total of 500 miles spread out across the year. That's about 1.37 miles per day, which should be manageable. ...I hope! I'm highly motivated now, but who knows what I'll feel like in a few weeks' time. :p

Another, more nebulous resolution I've made is to become more emotionally self-sufficient. I absolutely have to become less of a doormat, and after some navel-gazing I've realized that one of the reasons why I have such immense trouble dealing with conflict and standing up for myself is that I feel very psychologically dependent on my friends. I want to change that, though I don't really know how. I want to grow more centered within myself, to have a better home base from which to get my own needs met, so to speak.

On a less serious note: these days, I am absolutely neck deep in Star Trek: Deep Space Nine feels. Like, oh my God, I can't even, you guys. I started watching the show about a month ago, but I've already reached season 3, despite the fact that I'm usually not one for marathoning anything. The wonderful pluto_detective pulled me into the fandom--granted, she did not have to pull very hard--and I'm just an absolute goner for Julian Bashir and Elim Garak. Asdkfj;sdfjshfj YOU GUYS, they are so freaking wonderful together?!

( Spoilery keysmashing )

Other ships:

• Quark/Odo - this is mostly my roommate's fault. They've been watching DS9 along with me & their shipping feels kind of swept over me and now I like them too. Plus I love Odo, he has so much uncharted depth and every time his backstory comes up, the roomie and I look at each other and say, "so much trauma," and I want to read all the gen-fic about him.
• Dukat/Sisko - 100% my own fault. I really like Gul Dukat, I think he's a fantastic character/villain (?), and I was getting ~interesting vibes from him and Sisko for a while, but then The Maquis happened and they had so many scenes together and my brain bluescreened and now I low-key ship them. Oops.
• Kira/Dax! I sense so much chemistry between them & I'm so happy that a popular femslash ship exists in this fandom--I haven't read any fanfics yet for fear of spoiling myself, but I know they're there, ready and waiting for whenever I finish the show.
• Jake/Nog - I don't care if that's problematic, I love them and can totally see them developing crushes and feelings for each other, with all the angst of being unsure whether to act on them, fearing that feelings are not reciprocated, and all that teenaged stuff.

I do also love the platonic and familial relationships, though--Julian and Jadzia, for instance! I think it's pretty unique to see a friendship with one-sided romantic feelings, that is nevertheless deep and meaningful. Also, Julian and Miles O'Brien! (Julian and anyone, basically.) Kira and Sisko. Dax and Quark! Just, *chef's kiss* there are so many great friendships in this show. It makes my demi-romantic heart very happy. <3